(Thursday, January 08, 2004-)
+1:13 AM]*

# -

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a boy
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this man
In this boy, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside him,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.

I get a funny feeling,
it comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
wanting to go and hide.

My doctor calls it depression,
my dad says it's just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
no one will ever be able to see.

Some say I'm psycho,
some say I'm just weird.
It's like I'm a different person,
and the old me just disappeared.

I get really edgy,
I want to commit suicide real bad.
Then I get a headache,
followed by feeling sad.

I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
it will some day.

Something must be wrong with me
with all this hurt inside,
always bursting with anger,
and never any pride.

Something must be wrong with me
if all I do is cry,
I can't stop this pain
all I want to do is die.

Something must be wrong with me
if my emotions run wild,
all this confusion does
is make me feel like a lost child.

Something must be wrong with me
with all these terrible things,
always there and never gone
depression is what it brings.

Something must be wrong with me
if I can't stop these thoughts,
all this pain does
is turn my stomach in knots.

Something is truly wrong with me
when I think there's only one way out,
"Let this pain end,"
is all my heart will shout.

I held the knife so close to my heart.
Like a foolish child I sat and I cried,
Didn't realize what I had done, what I had tried.
Tears mixed with blood, falling slowly to the ground.
Covered in blood, pulled myself up, in tears scribed:

"To those who don't care, to those who can't see,
Never Give up always thrive to be free."
Didn't know how many people would later cry.
"Tried to be free, yet I see this isn't the way."

Friend at the door, ran as fast as she could.
Too weak to say I'm sorry, otherwise I would.
In tears, looked at the blue sad day.
When you come and see this pool of blood and me,
This isn't the way my life was meant to be.

-kwan.
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+12:43 AM]*

# -

LeTs See...WaD HaPPeNeD ToDaE?
eRR...WenT tO SkooL aS usUaL, aLmosT LaTe...
HaTinG SkooL MoRe anD MoRe
FiNisheD MatH HoMeWorK DuE ToMoLo...HaNdeD it iN, ScaReD ThaT I'LL MisPLaCe iT...
GoT RiDiCuLouS enGLisH aSSiGnMenT...
HaD tO FinD ExaMpLes oF 9 DiFFeRent TexT TyPeS...
LasT CLaSS tO enD LessoNs...
PLaYeD BasKeTBaLL WhiLe iT RaIneD a LittLe...
SLiPPeD...FeLL ontO mY WrisT, aLmosT BreaKing oR aT LeasT FracTurinG iT...
LuCkY I TurNeD mY HanD anD iT WaS PaRaLLeL tO mE anD ThE ConCreTe FLooR...
KinDoF SwoLLeN NoW...aT LeasT BeTTeR...CouLdn'T MoVe mY HanD aT aLL aT FirsT...
WhoLe BoDy aChinG FroM YesTeRdaE's TraiNinG
EveN ThO i OnLi DiD 40 push-uPs/FuLL SquaTs anD BaTTeD LikE 40 BaLLs...
nO TiMe tO SLeeP OnCe i GoT HoMe...
HaD tO dO mY HoMewoRk..
ReSoLveD tO InVesT mY TwO YeaRs StuDyinG HaRd
tO Do WeLL FoR mY "o" LeVeLs...
ItS aLL oR NothiNg...

:: LoVe CaN TuRn a BeaSt inTo a MaN, ThE LacK oF iT TuRnS a MaN inTo a BeaSt ::

-kwan.
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(Tuesday, January 06, 2004-)
+1:56 AM]*

# -

I sO FReaKinG dO NoT KnoW WaD tO Do...I CaN'T seeM tO faLL asLeeP...DuNNo aLeDi PosT HoW MaNy TiMes ALreDi ToDaE...SigH...o..i 4GoT tO iNCLuDe, i SlaSheD mYSeLf WiD a PeN KniFe ToDaE... :'(

-kwan.
________________________________________________________________________________

+12:48 AM]*

# -

A LisT oF aLL mY FeaRS...i HaVe aLoT oF TheM...TheSe aRe ReaLLy TRuE, AnD i Do HaVe TheSe FeaRS... :

Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.
Bibliophobia- Fear of books
Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces.
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.
Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of lonliness.
Ergophobia- Fear of work.
Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. <- LoL (NoT mY FeaR)
Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone.
Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule.
Phasmophobia- Fear of ghosts. <- i VeRy HuM Ji
Phobophobia- Fear of phobias.
Taphephobia Taphophobia- Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.

-kwan.
________________________________________________________________________________

+12:35 AM]*

# -

SkooL...SIgH...DuNNo WhY, BuT My MinD iS TeLLinG mE i SHouLd GeT ThE HeLL OuTTa SkooL...I DuN MinD My MatH TeaCheR, BuT mY PhySiCs TeaCheR iS a BitcH...SLepT iN CHiNesE LeSSoN...3 PeRioDs... =D HaLf ThE CLaSS WaS asLeeP anYwaYs...FounD OuT ThE LasT 3 PeRioDs tO mY TiMeTaBLe DiN aPpLy tO Me...So, i CaMe HoMe...aFteR uSinG tHe CoM, i FeLL asLeeP oN ThE SoFa...WoKe uP onLi aBouT 7.30...FouNd OuT CaSSeY n ZaCh HaD a LiTTLe ProBLeM iN BeTweeN...TrieD tO HeLp...

VeRy DePreSSeD
SkooL SuX
I CaN't See MyseLF GoiN tO SkooL FoR ThE NexT FeW YeaRs
I WaNNa RuN aWaY
StReSSeD OuT
PaRaNoiD
NeeD SuM1 tO TaLk tO
NeeD LoVe

-kwan.
________________________________________________________________________________

+12:26 AM]*

# -

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

-kwan.
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(Monday, January 05, 2004-)
+2:04 AM]*

# -

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

-kwan.
________________________________________________________________________________

+2:02 AM]*

# -

SigH...TmL GoT SkooL...Its 2aM...NoT asLeeP...BaD SigN...DePreSSeD...
PacKeD mY RooM aT 5+aM ToDaE WitH ZaCh...iT LooKs BiGGeR NoW...=D
WoKe uP, BaThinG wHeN i ReMeMBeReD i HaD tO CuT aNd DyE mY HaiR...
HaD tO PosTPoNe MeeTinG EnG KiaT...FroM 3 tO 4.30...
LucKy I WaS oN TiMe...WaLkeD aLL oVeR PeNiNsuLa, nTh MucH dere, So aFteR GeTTinG mY HaIr DyE, We LefT FoR BeaCh RoaD...
MeT ZaCh aT LaVenDeR, WaLkeD QuiTe aBiT tO WheRe wE WeRe HeaDeD...
ReaCh ThE ShoP WheRe eNg KiaT KneW ThE BoSS...We CouLd GeT DisCounT FoR AddiDaS anD aLL...BuDDeN ThE BRanD wE BoughT, nO DisCounT.. -.-" ThE ThRee oF uS BougHt ThE SaMe ShoE, i BougHt HaLf a SiZe SmaLLER DeN TheiRs...
Me AnD eNg KiaT WenT tO GraNDMoTheR'S HouSe, ZacH WenT HoMe...
BeFoRe GoinG oVeR, We aT aT Bk, aT TionG BahRu PLazA...
WenT tO ChiNaTowN LaTeR...DaMN CRoWDeD...
ReaCheD HoMe aBt 10+
CHaTTeD, BLoGGeD aFteR DyInG haIr...
:: UgLy, ReTarDeD BoI WaNTinG tO FaLL iN LoVe ::

-kwan.
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