(Saturday, March 18, 2006-)
+3:19 AM]*
# -
i'm tired..
i'm really, really tired..
too much, too quickly.. commitments i cannot fulfil. all i wanted to do, was to fill the void i was left with. all the things i've taken on..i'm suffocating myself.
i don't want to go back to school anymore. i just won't be able to catch up. why waste everybody's time? even though it has been physically tiring working these few days, i was more at ease than i have been in school.. no, this wouldn't make any sense to you. shut the hell up. i don't want to hear your reasonings and your preaching. i would have asked for it if i wanted to hear them.dont even bother trying.get the hell out of my sight.
wait. don't go.. i'm sorry.. please come back..
but all the people i'd let down, if i dropped out..
myself.
jeremy has dropped out.. or rather, his mother had took him out of school..
feed the world to the dogs.
everything's screwed up..
why should i be helping any of you, when none of you are helping yourselves?
i'm washing my hands of matters not concerning myself.
maybe thats the whole idea.
from the start, i was never needed.
i was a fool to think that my help was needed.
the things i've seen,
the things i've heard,
the things i've done,
the sins i've committed.
the commitments i've took up,
somebody please,
set me free.
-kwan.
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(Sunday, March 12, 2006-)
+1:35 AM]*
# -
holidays are here!
lol.
so, so tired...
=(
met up with nizam and kirby at xbox360 booth yesterday.. apart from that, i went for trng this morning, sparred with junde alittle..then ah hock went home, junde came to my place, i washed up and we left for queensway shopping center..shopped around for 2 hours+, i bought a pair of the new nike tiempo..junde bought the same pair also..then i bought another nike maxair running shoes for trng..and a shoebag frm fila..
popped by marina to meet jacob to take photos..what fashion fever or something going on..bleh.. wasn't interested.. especially since so many other photographers are there, which means two things, photos of these models will flood the net, rendering them passe. secondly, there was no room for me..but a particular model caught my eye, hence i decided to try..hardly able to get a good shot though..
went down to the concourse, the school sent down 3 or 4 guys to compete. took alot of shots there, used up one 1gb memory card.. hah. damn exciting. exactly my kind of photography!
then went to the it show to meet dad and daph, dad wanted to pick up a pns digi cam. which i barely knew anything about...but anyways, dad wanted something slim and had vr function, i suggested going for the lumix one.. it had leica lens, and it proved to take better pics..
met chang and xuan at marina square's cavanna..waited for them to eat, chatted. talked alittle with who seemed like their colleagues...then we parted ways, jacob wanted to go for coffee.. but clearly we were both really tired.. decided to go get it another day.. chang and xuan went to the mrt station.
why do i commit myself to so much responsibilities, yet i enjoy everything i do..its just that its really tiring..
today i finally realised how much i'm really juggling...and my entire holidays have been jam packed with activities..
tmr, Hunter's match in the morning, 9.45. have to rush home and shower after that before going out again to meet jacob to go to the it show and marina square to take photos..have to reach tampines by 6.30 or so, tampines rovers opening match.. after it ends around 9+, have to rush dwn to a supermarket before it closes to pick up meat and such for bbq in the night.. and thats just for tmr..
got xbox360 games preview invite on monday.. rsvp-ed. but may not be turning up, dress code wayy too formal for my liking.. no t-shirts, poloTs or shirts, proper trousers only, proper shoes with socks.. bleah. may be going dwn to jacob's club to play tennis.. *shrugs.
tuesday..wed. thur .. .. *sigh. so much things to do lar. fuck.
i need sleep. yet i cant sleep.
was talking to jacob today, then it dawned on me that i've failed every single test i've took this year..and i've not handed up a single piece of english homework since school started..have owed a month's worth of math homework as well..a few chinese compos.. alittle here and there for other subjects.. and i'm collecting my xbox on wednesday night.
cant. think. straight.
2am now.. got bunch of editting to do.. gotta get up at 8 to make my way down to tampines interchange for the match...
my eyes hurt.
will probably be staying up tonight. *sigh.
-kwan.
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