(Saturday, July 02, 2005-)
+12:40 AM]*
# -
october 2003, for the fun of it,
july 2005, out of boredom,
-kwan.
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(Friday, July 01, 2005-)
+11:21 PM]*
# ahh friday-
somehow, my fridays always turn out alright, im not surprised...
maybe i'm biased against mondays, but who cares?
anyways, back in school again, woke up late, dad wanted to send us, and got rather impatient...well, now i know whom i got my patience frm..yoketin left his bag at my place and dad dropped me and yoketin off at school, we managed to get there on time, but i didn't really care anyways..we popped by 3g, no signs of ow, 3k, still no signs of ow...gave up looking, just bummed around 3k, cheok came in and announced that they were bent on destroying all other teams taking part in the cs showdown *rolls eyes* anyways, all the members of Skrimz brought their own gear(mousepad,mouse,headphones etc.) shortly later, we made our way to the toilet and stood around for a short while, until morning assembly started, we were like "ahh..forget it la.." den brandon went " haha, for me nevermind, because my class just beside the toilets.." the rest of us just walked back to class...stood next to jingxuan during morning assembly, haven't seen him yet this week.. he said in chinese, " how many days never come school liao?" i went "erh this week second day lo" den he laughed.." haha fun right!" lol...den i laughed abit, before the teacher stared at us...fuckk..morning assembly was damn damn long lar.. nnb...dunno why they got so much to tell us...anyways, after morning assembly, finally saw ow...when they started the stupid fashion show shit, we were laughing our bums off la....den we were shouting all sort of stuff at em...poor fellows...but they deserved it la..haha..but desmond was he's usual joker self la...come out as sum alien man thing with silver cone boobs..after that, walked around with ow, we strolled down to basketball courts where the dunking machine was...stupid cliched booth.. stood around, den sat down at the 4j booth feeling guilty because i didn't know where the hell was 3j's booth, neither did i know what they were doing...but the feeling quickly subsided as i saw besley and allester..went to speak to them, we're a group of bored people...so, we went to the music room for some music, and essentially, the aircon =] around 10, brandon mentioned the cs thingy, so we went to the com lab, expecting the finals to be on, only to see that they've not even played the first round yet..anyways, supposedly, no spectators were allowed, but me and brandon got in, disguised as part of the team...actually i was, i was sort of the tech guy there, rewiring this and that for the team and all...den i saw a bag with a mp3 player inside, was damn tempted to take it, but i forgot about it after the match...somehow, ow and kevin got in as well, den a crowd gathered...Skrimz trashed the other team, and we all had a hell lot of fun making alot of noise...oh yea, junzhi was in the other team..but oh well..
after that, i bummed around different classes for awhile until dismissal, where i was supposed to join ceyang and gang, but i pulled out shortly due to lack of funds, and not to mention, enthusiasm...
crossed the road, wanted to take cab home, but since i was supposed to meet kevin for a movie, i took a bus instead...OH MY GOD it was damn bloody crowded on the bus lar...den so hot...luckily i fell asleep...once i reached home, i brought king to my room, turned on the aircon and dozed off on my bed for awhile...after that, yoketin msged to say that he wanted to take his bag, and asked me to bring it to the mrt station...kevin cancelled out on me...that bum, so even though i bathed, i slipped on my blades, made my way to the station...den when i reached he wasnt there yet..aii..too early...bladed around here and there...after passing him his bag, i continued to blade here and there then towards home...on the way home, i was trying to figure out why wasn't my rollerblades moving smoothly...den i guessed probably because of the bumpy road, so i swerved left and right of small pebbles on the road...after picking up some speed, i swerved left to avoid a pebble and to turn into the street my house was on, i was speeding into an oncoming black merc! "FUCK!" i quickly swerved right, and my knees just scraped past that guys car...the stupid asshole wound down his window to shout at me, i just sped off again, raising my middle finger =X _|_ *TAKE THAT U ASSHOLE!* ahaha quickly went home...cannot quite remember what i did after that, all i remember was that i've been feeling giddy since early afternoon just before i decided not to join ceyang and guys...anyways, was online chatting, BESLEY PROMOTED ME ON HIS FRIENDS LIST AND NOW IM NO LONGER A LESSER FRIEND!!! =p around 8, i was like 'oh fuck..i've not eaten since last night..' when i went down, tangie made me go buy eggs, newspaper and a watermelon with her =.= when we got to siglap center, the stupid carpark attendent didn't bother to check out the bloody machine when the guy infront of us couldn't get through the barrier...so we decided to park at the side of the road...i got her to get me a bigmac and then later on a dessert...and when we went out, some cisco guy wrote us a ticket, of which he would send to the tp and then the tp would send a summons...WHAT THE FUCK?! writing in to appeal...if you can't park by the road, where the hell are people visiting their friends gonna park?! up your ass? stupid carpark attendent cum cisco guy..*&^%*&% lala demerit points and fine oso nt i pay..haha nvm..lol =X got home, ate again to finally fill up half my tummy...cus i'm hungry again now...=P
hohoho~! my entries seem to be rather unshort nowadays...atleast ppl got something to read right...*KAYPO* =P
-kwan.
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+12:30 PM]*
# -
-kwan.
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(Tuesday, June 28, 2005-)
+11:53 PM]*
# -
damn! i knew that being so energetic in the morning was a bad omen..
i never liked school, and i don't think i ever will..
i thought that not going on monday and then returning to school on tuesday was a bloody good idea, looks like it isnt..had to get a haircut and report back to dm by 3pm today, and had to report to dm before i went for recess again..which i didn't know what for, but still went anyways...lessons were sort of same old same old...but the teachers have begun their nagging...homework, TONS of homework due on thursday...a and e math holiday assignments, english compo, 2 compres and 1 freewriting etc. anyways, ad they day went on, i decided to grab an mc for wednesday since i was a little unwell...but then after school, it was really bad..i could barely talk, and when i did, it hurt really really bad..anyways, after school, i found out that jacob, being the usual airheaded guy he was, he forgot to wait for me! rushed out of the school gates to barely catch up with him...
apparantly if not for nickt, whom kevin was looking for, they would've been long gone...anyways managed to psycho jacob to get his hair cut at two step as well and sherman tagged along...when we got there, my hairdresser went : ' didn't you just get your haircut? i told you, you will get caught right..'
and then they went on to tell sherman how they kept telling me that my hair would've definitely gotten caught.. =.=
when we got back to school, my dm went 'aiyah...you see la, diver still dun want to cut hair...'
i saw yoketin and yuanfeng then, and waited for the dm to speak to yoketin before we left...
shared a cab with yoketin, and on the way home, yoketin convinced me to get an mc for thursday instead because we had alot of homework to hand in on thursday...
i was like ' ok lor...den tmr after skl we go get..'
when i reached home, i brought king up to the room, where i knocked out for 2-3hours while he was munching on my feet and some other stuff on the floor...
after i woke up, i couldn't speak...and i would almost swear my throat was on fire...
decided i HAD to go see a doctor today...so i'd get mc for wed and thur...
but, because i went with dad,. ... i got for wed only...nevermind...the polyclinic's oopen tmr!
ha haha ha haha haha!
anyways, medicine, medicine and more medicine...
changed the antibiotics i was taking...
lalala...no school tomorrow...i should just drop out.. zzZ
no mood to study anyways...eddiot teacher of mine, the stupid old woman accused me of doodling when i was desperately trying to stay awake by constantly scribbling what she was saying, and making my notes really colourful...
argh..my throat...my hair...
-kwan.
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(Monday, June 27, 2005-)
+11:46 PM]*
# kill me please, someone...this pain, its unbearable..-
ahh...back to school blues...
i thought skipping monday would cure it, obviously it has infected tuesday as well.. =.=
why is it that i spend so much time in the night planning how my next day will go, yet it never turns out the same?
everynight, unable to fall asleep, i find excuses for myself to stay awake; -theres something good on tv
-i can always sleep in that boring class i have tomorrow
the list goes on..
i've laid awake in the night trying to sleep for too many nights
on good nights, maybe i'll fall asleep after half an hour...
on nights like these,
perhaps i'll sleep 5mins before i'm supposed to wake up
and people wonder why am i asleep three quarters of the time i'm in school
anyways, i was determined to fall asleep at 10 tonight...its already 11, and the clock's still ticking...
doubt i'll sleep anytime before 1, i'll probably turn on that tv anytime now
lately, i've discovered how distant i feel from my friends, if i have any..
i used to think, this world is mine for the taking, this game of life is too easy, i should probably switch to hard mode...
oh how wrong was i...
but life's not all that bad,
today, i had a friend, and we had a conversation! a real conversation...
but before long, it all had to come to an end...
have you watched that movie where there was this boy who had many people surrounding him when he was of use to them, and then when he lost it all, he lost them all...
more than once, has this thought crossed my mind, and people seemed to just be proving it right...
a few years back people used to msn me to do their blogs, play a game with them, solve a question...
now that ready made blogs are available, and you just need a basic concept of html to have a pretty neat blog, i've stopped playing online games, and i'm not so smart, or at least not smart enough, people stopped talking to me altogether...
sitting in front of the computer, i stare into my msn messenger, so many contacts, how many of which can i really speak to? and of those, how many of wouldn't mind speaking to me? and then, of those, how many of which would really listen to what i have to say?
i used to feel so at ease, i felt that i've finally unlocked the secret level of life, my life was whizzing past me...
somehow, the game has managed to regain control, and it has shut me out...
and now, i have to pay...
i used to not give another thought to any loose change under $5, i'd give it away, or just asked whoever was returning the change to keep it...
now, i wished i picked up every cent i saw on the floor...
according to people, i don't have that bad an allowance, i just don't get how other people enjoy their life with so much more luxuries..
i used to hate the ipod until the u2 one came out, and then i loved it...
i scrimped and i saved, i tried for 3months and i still couldn't save enough to buy the ipod casing...
utterly frustrated, i gave up hopes of buying one, and then i hated ipods once more, basically because i couldn't afford one...
i'm so sorry i may sound like a spoilt brat, maybe its all part of my subconscious plot, hoping that someone would actually notice what i'm writing or even me, and scold some senses into me...
i wonder how long this mental torture would last...
-kwan.
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+1:40 AM]*
# what a liar i am...-
when i pretend, everything is what i want it to be, i looked exactly like what you always wanted to see...
when i pretend, i can't forget about the criminal i am, stealing second after second just because i know i can...
but i can't pretend this is the way it would stay, i'm just lying to protect the truth, lying my way from you..
no turning back now-
let me take back my life
i'd rather be all alone, and anywhere on my own, at least i can see what's going on..
this isn't what i wanted to be, never thought what i said would have you running from me...
i can't take this anymore, i'm saying everything i've said before,
all these words they make no sense, i find bliss in ignorence..
everything you say to me, takes me one step closer to the edge, and i'm about to break, i need a little room to breathe...
i find the answers aren't so clear, wish i had a way to disappear...
you love the way i look at you, while taking pleasure in the awful things you've put me through, you love the things i said i'll do, the way i'll hurt myself just to get back at you...
you take away when i give in, my life, my pride is broken...
this is the last smile, the last one that i'll fake just for the sake of seeing you..
why haven't i walked away, why have i played myself this way?
its easier to run, replacing all this pain with something long...
if i could change, i would..
take away all the pain, i would...
retrace every wrong move i made, i would..
if i could, stand up and take all the blame, i would...
if i could, take all the shame and the pain, i would...
some things i remember, but i thought the soul bypassed
bringing back those memories, i wish i didn't have...
I still see your face in my dreams
It hurts and it doesn't help at all
I still want you in my life as crazy as that seems
I want to catch you when you fall
I still remember the first time we met
There was something so different about you
Your friendship was something I wanted to get
That smile when you said hi to me was so new
Out of no where you called me on the phone
I wanted to sit there and talk to you forever
I just knew that our friendship would never sever
Not even a year and we are barely holding it together
What happened to the way this all used to be
I never wanted you out of my life ever
I sat there for a long time pretending not to see
I miss you and everything you were to me
Ten years from now we will look back on it all
We will be older and finally be able to see
That love will stand the test of time and never fall
But maybe now I should just say goodbye
You used to be my friend
But I never felt I really was yours
So maybe this is the end
I'm different from you, all of you
Each other we've never understood
I hope that if I do tell you goodbye
That it won't be for good
Whenever I'm mad it hurts me so bad
And you don't even care
I don't know why, I just want to cry
And someday I won't be there
When I'm mad at myself, I'll hurt myself
If I'm mad at you I'll hurt myself too
But that doesn't really matter
Although when I hurt I feel like dirt
And my spirit's bruised and battered
I do not know why it has to be so
I really wish it did not
But the way this has been going
it's basically shot
You don't need me and we don't need we
And that's how I think I know why
These words are the ones I think I have to speak-
I love you, but goodbye...
-kwan.
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