(Friday, May 20, 2005-)
+1:05 AM]*
+1:05 AM]*
# i hate you so much because i loved you so much...-
i hate you so much...
but its all my fault isn't it?
i brought upon all the pain unto myself didn't i?
damn how come i've got no one to talk to?
even though this issue seems so obvious
all the sleepless nights,
sitting awake,
staring into nowhere,
i ponder aimlessly into what've been said
thinking too deeply into those meaningless little things
but how meaningless can they be
isn't body language 90% of the conversation?
isn't non-verbal communication the strongest form of communication?
am i reading them wrongly?
should i even be taking these "signs" into consideration?
are they true?
why the hell are things so complicated?!
what the fuck is my mind thinking...
how did such a simple friendship turn into a complex game of chess for me?
every single move is of calculated risks...
i'm sure it wasn't so difficult in the begginning...
perhaps its because as the years go by,
i've never been able to secure myself that special place in your heart,
fellows you meet may tell you you're sweet, and willingly you believe...
i guess i'm just not content being only a "friend"
but how can i speak of such things to you?
knowing fully well the outcome
it seems that i'm only everyone's friend when they need me
and i'm never missed nor worried for
do i really look that strong?
or is it plainly becuase no one really cares?
how can things seem so perfectly fine on the surface when its in such a blur underneath?
but i guess this will blow over as quickly as i had decided to pen this down
i can never stay angry with anyone for long..
much less you..
anyway how can i hate you when its all my fault im down?
i guess the only reason why i hate you so much right now,
is because i've loved you so much more...
how i wish i was dead
or to have not been born at all
but its all my fault isn't it?
i brought upon all the pain unto myself didn't i?
damn how come i've got no one to talk to?
even though this issue seems so obvious
all the sleepless nights,
sitting awake,
staring into nowhere,
i ponder aimlessly into what've been said
thinking too deeply into those meaningless little things
but how meaningless can they be
isn't body language 90% of the conversation?
isn't non-verbal communication the strongest form of communication?
am i reading them wrongly?
should i even be taking these "signs" into consideration?
are they true?
why the hell are things so complicated?!
what the fuck is my mind thinking...
how did such a simple friendship turn into a complex game of chess for me?
every single move is of calculated risks...
i'm sure it wasn't so difficult in the begginning...
perhaps its because as the years go by,
i've never been able to secure myself that special place in your heart,
fellows you meet may tell you you're sweet, and willingly you believe...
i guess i'm just not content being only a "friend"
but how can i speak of such things to you?
knowing fully well the outcome
it seems that i'm only everyone's friend when they need me
and i'm never missed nor worried for
do i really look that strong?
or is it plainly becuase no one really cares?
how can things seem so perfectly fine on the surface when its in such a blur underneath?
but i guess this will blow over as quickly as i had decided to pen this down
i can never stay angry with anyone for long..
much less you..
anyway how can i hate you when its all my fault im down?
i guess the only reason why i hate you so much right now,
is because i've loved you so much more...
how i wish i was dead
or to have not been born at all
-kwan.
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