anyways its 9.45am on wednesday..and im NOT IN SKOOL! haha.. but damn.. i feel sick..

i noticed that even though i whine and complain alot, my days are generally happy.. but it seems that they always start out on the darkside of the moon, every morning, i view the day as bleak and dismal, fraught with fear and foreboding..maybe im just a dreamer of disaster, half of the tragedies i anticipate never occur, and the other half usually sorts themselves out..but that doesnt stop me from starting each day with a sigh..

once upon a time, i used to enjoy looking back at how time has passed, i'd take out objects like my old toys just to remind me of how it was back then, i would go looking for old stuff and then sit down and think about the past..even though no matter how good things were, i'd still wish to go back in time, to undo all my wrongs.so i would just keep living in my fucked up world thinking that sometime, somewhere, somehow, i'd be able to go back and do something about it..then one afternoon, i was lying in bed thinking about stuff.. after that i finally realised, i was living an impossible dream...now, i just really hate reminiscing. some things are just too painful and being a minute late is too late already, deciding to change your mind a minute after you've made that wrong decision, that stupid action, that upper-cut you gave to that jackass sitting infront of you, making that fucked up accusation, it just doesn't cut it.. you will suffer the consequences..sometimes things change for the better, but then, the other times, no matter how hard you try, nothing will change, it takes two hands to clap, even if you spend your whole life trying to make amendments, if that person/people don't forgive you, there's nothing you can do but live with it.. not too long ago, i've been trying really hard to move on, now, i know its really difficult, i would even say its close to impossible.. but maybe im just weak.. can't say i've already forgotten about it and move on, if i had, there wouldn't be this entry.. but at least im not letting it screw with my days =)

i heard this from a teacher yesterday, and i thought it made alot of sense..
im sure everyone has heard of the story of the tortoise and the hare. no?
well it goes roughly like this, one day, the tortoise and the hare decide to have a race, so the both of them began running, the hare obviously took the lead, and the tortoise slowly, but steadily inched forward...the hare got slightly tired and decided to take a rest, seeing that the tortoise was still far behind...as the hare was sleeping, the tortoise passed him by, and by the time the hare woke up, t was too late, the tortoise have reached the end of the race...


ok, the tortoise in the story represents time, and the hare represents you.. no matter how fast or slow you are, the tortoise(time) would slowly make its way to the finishing line in this case, the end of your time... as the hare, everyone has the potential to whoop some tortoise ass, but many of us just decided that 'HAH! i'm wayy ahead of the tortoise, let me take a rest' and so the tortoise passes you...when you get up u think 'its ok, im fast!i can regain my lead!' so you do..and it keeps going...at the end of it all, life has been such a struggle for the hare who decided to burst forward, then rest and then speed forward and then rest again..sometimes, the hare would win, albeit tired, but they win, but sometimes, the hare wouldn't be so lucky to wake up before the tortoise reaches the end..


everytime you decide to cut yourself some slack and rest, time is gonna pass you, its alright to rest, but know when to get up...in a race for two, especially this one against time, coming in second is the same as coming in last...